Restoring the Natural Order

It was like going from 150 MGLT to a dead stop, as if someone had triggered the air brakes. Within seconds, the fury that had burned within Illaria like an inferno had suddenly frozen over. It had burned hot and died even faster, schooled by the flame yet tormented by the ice that replaced it. As she watched Harnan’s body flying back through the air, her mind suddenly cleared as the fog of her rage receded. Amethyst eyes wide in horror, her lower lip quivered and her hands trembled as she watched him hit the ground, his body falling limp as he finally came to a stop. The Shapeshifter almost felt sick to her stomach and was left bereft of the will to move as a numbness spread over her body. An awful hollowness filled the space within her previously occupied by the vortex of emotions governing her actions, the waves of wretchedness threatening to engulf her mind, body, and soul.

And watching his motionless body, she wills him to move. To just give any hint of life, any sign. In that moment the almost sure knowledge that life would go on without him, that time was only stopped for her, undid her completely. Illaria did not care what he did when he got up, she just wanted him to move. To jump up off the ground, yell at her, hit her back. She did not care, but she knew one thing for certain, she would not be able to bear it if she had inadvertently killed him. She was trapped in a nightmare that he could no longer save her from. The Shapeshifter wanted to rush to his side, burdened with guilt over the actions she struggled to justify even now. What she had done, she could not undo. The regret settling like ice in the pit of her stomach.

One second passed. Two seconds passed. Three seconds passed. Illaria stopped counting after she hit 30 seconds, the tips of her headtails twitching in nervous irritation as Tchun, her left lekku, curls around the base of her bicep. Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum. Her heartbeat echoed in her ears. Each breath burned like fire in her lungs. The regret stung like a pinched nerve, resonating through her body. Like an indelible stain on her cerebral cortex. It was a wholly unfamiliar feeling because never had she lost control like this before. It spoke volumes of her feelings for the Supreme Commander. However, it also made her realize just how dangerous this whole situation was becoming. Losing control was unlike her, she had exquisite command over her emotions as the Master had ensured. She would not have been sent to the First Order otherwise. Perhaps, Illaria wondered, she felt too much for this frail, mortal man.

Then Harnan moved. Just the sight was enough to release the breath she had been unknowingly holding and like a drug, the relief spread through her body with a numbing sort of sensation. The Shapeshifter’s posture softly deflated with a sigh, the tension visibly lifting from her muscles. It was not too late to be honest. Not too late to tell the truth. Illaria is so relieved when Harnan sits up that she almost laughs. She watches him, waiting, shifting from foot to foot nervously as Tchin, her right lekku, twitches. Her eyes dart around as she raises a tattooed eyebrow, noting his hand moving for his lightsaber.

On instinct, she uses the Force to pull the twi’lek’s lightsaber hilt to her outstretched palm, wasting no time in depressing the ignition switch as she held the blade vertically aloft at her side with both hands. The pale icy white of her skin is suddenly bathed in a purple glow, her features transfigured as the light ebbed with the movement of the stable plasma through the core of the blade. Illaria’s quickly darkening gaze filled with lavender ringed in indigo, diminishing the concern that only moments ago filled her with grief. “I hardly consider it crossing a line when the truth is spoken.” The Shapeshifter retorted. Being honest with him could hurt, she knew this, but what was happening between them now was like a head-on collision with the truth. Both would only leave in a fury. “I draw my blade, not merely because you asked, but because you are being a fool, Harnan.”

The blast of Force energy hit her head on and Illaria stumbled backwards a bit, but did not lose her balance. “Liar!” She yelled at him as she turned to face him, a pale red tinge creeping up from the tips of her lekku. Righting herself, she pointed the tip of her blade down towards the ground as she motioned toward Harnan with two fingers. “If we were really going to settle this, you would stop running from everything you feel. You are just in denial! A contradiction!” Her eyes were narrowed and cold, her body rigid and hard. It was clear she was already far away. "No, if we were going to truly settle this you would ask me what I wanted."

“It has always been about what you want. You want commitment from me. Loyalty.” Her face took on a stern expression as she smiled a small, twisted smile. “No, you already had that. You want more, more that I cannot give you.”

Illaria’s voice lowers, her tone softening as she speaks. “And you hint that you need me so desperately...” Slowly, quietly she continues with a pained look on her face. “Yet…you cannot seem to trust me enough to ever let me all the way in.” She straightens her posture a bit as she addresses him now. “I could not wait forever, Harnan. That is why I walked away. And the moment you think I might have finally found someone is the moment you choose to play guessing games with me?!”

It was as if a chasm had opened between them. And that was when the dam broke. Harnan leaped straight at her, a relentless, unflinching coldness in his eyes as Illaria scrambled away from him. Using her free hand, she wielded the Force with precision and power as she threw obstacles in his path, attempting to impede his progress toward her. It turned into more of a chase, a hunt as he pursued her through the forest. He was relentless.

Only did Harnan catch up to her as she stole into the city that lay just beyond the Jedi Temple. Purple lightsaber blazing a clear path as Illaria raced through the streets, dodging speeders and other oncoming traffic. It clearly appeared as if two Jedi were running through the streets squabbling amongst themselves. Illaria darted one way as Harnan threw his lightsaber at her and unfortunately, several civilians were caught in the crossfire and fell in pieces to the surface streets. As Harnan got closer, the Shapeshifter reached up into the sky and plucked a rather large speeder bus from one of the higher lanes of traffic, disrupting all those below as she wrenched it toward him. He rolled out of the way just in time to avoid a deadly column of fire as the fuel cells on the speeder bus ruptured, setting fire to all who had been inside. Illaria did not hesitate to see the outcome of her actions as she began scaling the sides of buildings and hopping between them. The pale yellow of a lightsaber sailed by her head, slicing through the air at increasingly greater accuracy.

His actions were beginning to become more refined and Illaria knew in that instant, he would no longer hesitate. Turning, she paused just long enough to glance back over her shoulder before sliding down the drainage pipe that ran along the side of one of the skyscrapers. In a matter of seconds, her feet were back on the ground as she raced down the backside of an alleyway. Running and sliding across the roof of a speeder, the Shapeshifter knew he was not far behind, the pulsation of his dark aura and the glorious hum of his blade trailing in her wake. Bursting out of the back of the alleyway, Illaria found herself sprinting along another one of the main streets that ran through the metropolitan cityscape. A pale yellow blade whizzed by her head once more, except this time it had not been thrown, duly noted as she ducked and rolled to the side. However, she did not slide out of reach of the Knight of Ren’s blade quickly enough. It nicked her bare shoulder when she slid beneath Harnan’s grasp as he reached out for her, the burn stinging and throbbing as a reminder of her inadequacies. They fought in silence, but for the snarled curses that left their lips every so often when one landed a glancing blow. Finally, Harnan managed to get close enough to Illaria and they grappled with one another before she decided she had enough and leaped back out of his reach. The Shapeshifter was beginning to feel overwhelmed and thus, flipped back atop the roof of a small public speeder bus terminal.

“Jealousy is not pretty on you, Harnan.” Illaria nearly growled at him. This could not be her best friend. This could not be her life. The very same thoughts rose to defend his actions as she looked down upon him, her amethyst eyes shimmering against the dull backdrop of Deralia’s cityscape. It did not take long, but now they had drawn a small group of nervous onlookers as both Knights of Ren stared one another down. Unrelenting. Neither giving ground while the other refused to submit.

Illaria’s chest heaved with each breath she drew, the movement easily visible as she took this one respite in their fighting to center herself in the Force, drawing upon its immense power well to replenish her strength. Harnan’s words just seemed to fall out of his mouth with ease, as if he had no qualms about speaking his mind – he certainly was not hiding anything from her anymore for his words landed in her stomach like shrapnel. She swore she could almost feel her insides tear, the blood draining from her face as she struggled to comprehend the words he was saying to her, hoping her ear cones were deceiving her. The Shapeshifter wanted to laugh and walk over to her best friend, clap him on the back, and tell him, good game. But he was deadly serious, his eyes cold like she had never before witnessed, his features immobile as if he were not really living.

Locking eyes with a shapeshifter was aggressive. Very aggressive. Illaria had never seen Harnan quite like this before. From experience, though, she knew people generally did not do this unless they wanted to fight. Or fuck. And honestly, she would not have put it past him, were it the latter. One thing was for certain, when two people regarded one another with such cold stares like this, any love between them was not only lost, but transformed to a powerful hatred. It was clear that nothing good was going to happen next. Calmly and quietly, the Shapeshifter reaches down and flicks off the audio feeds that had been supplying their team information about what was occurring on Deralia. However, the conversation that was shortly to follow was not meant for everyone’s ears. This was between her and Harnan, and she was lucky she had a sense of mind to turn those feeds off for she could feel her hot rage building, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth the more she considered his words. This is when her fury comes, unleashed without the slightest thought of the consequences; even if he did not truly deserve her wrath, she meant to reduce him to rubble with her words. It is almost the sound of a woodland beast, the growl that escapes her mouth as she shouts at him. “I did not want you!” And with that outburst, it appears as if her fury has passed. She stands there, her body vibrating with the power she had drawn from the Force only moments before, smoldering in her wrath. “I do not care what you want anymore, I do not want to hear it. You should have told me all of this… how you feel for me…. Harnan…you should have told me back when it could have made a difference, back when we would not have found ourselves in this situation.”

Illaria knew he still burned hotly with the embers of his own anger, yet still she threw caution to the wind and took several steps toward him. “Back when I loved you so much I would have gladly died for you. I would have done anything for you. But you were content to shut me out, both of us always insisting that this..” She motions between them. “..was always a game. You hid your feelings from me for all these years when you should have just told me. It would have mattered then.." 

It was as if her presence within the Force was being split in twain, for what she felt was uncanny and dreadful, it was twisted and distorted, but it was certainly strong. She had burns across her knuckles from grappling with Harnan only moments ago, when she should have been smarter and put distance between them rather than cross sabers with him, foolishly playing to his strength. He had given her those burns on her hands when his saber had struck a glancing blow, sliding off her unpracticed and clumsy defense. Everything hurt, everything burned. It burned so badly, as if someone had laced her veins with Devaronian blood-poison. It crept up her spine and in that moment, none of the injuries she had sustained during this mattered, all she could feel was desire; a desire to hate. The Shapeshifter was nearly intoxicated with emotions that she had never had any intention of feeling, had purposely avoided for precisely this reason. The weight of the emotions churning through her body still resided in the pit of her stomach like a hunk of durasteel, the hatred and the fury churning around it like acid waiting to be spat from her mouth as if she were an acid lizard. Only instead, it would coalesce into foul and vulgar words that would shock anyone, even her best friend. “You stole what was beautiful in me!”

It was then that, perhaps rather foolishly, Illaria ran and jumped at him only to find herself the recipient of a Force push to the chest, which sent her careening backwards. Absorbing the momentum of the push, she executed a backflip and landed in a crouch. He gave her no rest though, tossing his lightsaber at her the moment her head popped up. Bringing her purple blade up just in time, she deflects it as he recalls it to his hand. Straightening herself, she shouts at him once more as the wind curiously begins to pick up around them. “You took my love for you, and by your own hand…you made it into what it is today. I hope you are proud, Harnan! This is all your handiwork!”

A speeder buzzed over her head and Illaria’s eyes drifted up to the line of traffic passing over them before she propelled herself upwards with a Force-aided leap. Harnan took the cue and followed suit, both of them landing atop the roofs of a hard top speeder. He, however, took the initiative and closed the distance between them, hopping from speeder to speeder. “You want to know why?!” Illaria shouted the question, spinning her lightsaber impatiently at her side, the throbbing pain from the burns across her knuckles reigniting.

The answer to some questions never come easily, each answer differing from person to person, time to time. However, it might have been that some things were better left unspoken, some knowledge better left unknown, and some secrets better left buried. This, perhaps, might have been one of them.

“I will tell you why… This is not a game to Nicademus.” That right there, Illaria referring to the Supreme Commander of the First Order by name, was more telling than anything else that followed. And though she spoke with confidence, a certainty about the fact that they were not toying with one another, she was only sure that she was not toying with him. The Lady Ren still remained unconvinced that the Supreme Commander would not just use her for her powers and leave her when he found someone better, but that was a matter better addressed at some other point in time. “He was open and honest about the way he feels for me, right from the start. He refused to hide a single thing.” Up until this point, the Shapeshifter’s eyes had been wandering, but now she fixed Harnan with her gaze, lip curling into a small smirk. “I spent my first morning lounging in his bed without a single piece of clothing, just listening to him speak of how he never wanted our relationship to end and instead, to blossom and grow. Then as I lowered myself down onto his hips, he told me that he has everything he thought he ever wanted – a nation, control of armies, fleets, worlds and vast territories. The power to force his enemies to bend the knee, the power to crush them at his very whim – he has it all, yet as I pressed my lips to his bare skin, tasting and teasing him, I made him realize something was missing, something he greatly desired. Me.” Illaria said simply.

She was not able to continue speaking, taunting Harnan with her words, for he leapt at her and unleashed the most primal roar she had ever heard. But, the Shapeshifter was too quick for him and propelled herself upwards onto a speeder in another line of traffic. “You have always been too slow, Harnan!” There was a double meaning to this, which she no doubt knew would cut him deeply, but right now she wanted him to hurt as much as she was hurting to know how he felt after all this time. “Nicademus is refined and a gentleman, not coarse and vulgar.” Though she left it unspoken, what Illaria really meant to do was to make a comparison between the Supreme Commander and the Knight of Ren. “When you were busy prepping the Resurgence for her maiden voyage, that was our first night together, after you kicked me off the starship for causing trouble and Soku sent me off on a mission. That was the first night I allowed him to have me. I did not throw myself at him or beg him to take me, nor did I gladly open up for him, as you so eloquently put it once more.” The Lady Ren shook her head and the smirk ghosted across her lips as she stood there smugly looking down at him. “No….I made him work for the honour of claiming me. He is a passionate man beneath it all and for my first time, he was quite reverent and gentle with me as he laid me upon his bed and claimed what was his… He may not always be gentle with me, but there are times he is and I am fine with this.”

Illaria leveled her gaze on Harnan and she could almost visibly see the way this was affecting him. Though she was not allowed to think on it too much as she was forced to jump to yet another speeder in another line of traffic. However, she had barely gained her footing on this speeder, when it suddenly tilted sideways and she began sliding toward the edge. This forced her to deactivate her lightsaber and attach the hilt to her belt as she fought to maintain her balance. Harnan had other ideas though and threw his lightsaber through the air once more, impaling the Gran that had been piloting the speeder. As the speeder began descending out of control, passing through multiple lanes of traffic and causing several accidents, it lurched into a spin and sent Illaria flying off the side. It almost happened in slow motion for the Shapeshifter as she saw herself sliding off the side of the speeder and falling through the air. Somehow, she managed to not clip any speeders on the way down as she fell through the lanes of traffic and landed on the roof of a speeder in the lowest lane. 

With a loud thump, the speeder jolts as Illaria lands sprawled on her back. The wind knocked out of her, the Lady Ren just lays there for a moment until the speeder bobs in the air yet again, this time more gently. She hears the telltale hum of a lightsaber as she finally deigns to open her eyes, finding herself face to face with the end of a yellow plasma blade. Her amethyst eyes slowly draw upwards to gaze at Harnan and it is clear she is lost to him, the warmth had left her eyes long ago. She turns her head to the side and spits some of the blood that had been collecting in her mouth before leveling her gaze on him. “Does it wound you to know that your dismissal and your own brother’s orders sent me running directly into the arms of the man you most despise right now?” She asked, her voice dripping with venom as a thin trail of blood trickled down the corner of her mouth. “I could see the desire….the need in his eyes as he had me again and again that night and the next morning….even the next night after that when I was supposed to return to my duties on the Resurgence… Does it make you jealous to know that I allowed Nicademus to claim every inch of my body on every piece of furniture that side of Imperial Strategic Command?” The Lady Ren’s eyes glittered with fire, expression proud and arrogant as she looked up the pale yellow lightsaber blade at her fellow Knight of Ren. And all she can do is grin when he raises the blade, as if he is going to strike her down.

Yet again, Harnan is too slow. Quite suddenly, there was a flash of the whitest light ever seen. The light was meant to sear into his eyes like a white hot flash mine, but after the heat and light had dissipated, only the most complete blackness remained. What Illaria had done, this manifestation of the Force, did not manage to scramble all sensory input; he would still be able to feel the metallic roof of the speeder below him, hear the roar of the ocean in the distance and the whoosh of speeders passing by them on all sides, he would still be aware of the saltiness that hung in the ocean air. But he would not be able to see anything at all. Taking her cue, Illaria gathers her strength and jumps up, using the Force to send him propelling toward the ground. They were no more than a few stories above the duracrete, so despite being temporarily blind, Harnan manages to land with ease. However, the Shapeshifter gives up no ground and descends upon him, striking him time and time again with her lightsaber and each time he somehow managed to cross his blade with her own until finally, she put enough strength into an overhead swing that ended with her flourishing her blade to knock his from his hands. The hilt went skittering across the duracrete as Illaria backs Harnan into the side of a building, the simple act of which indicated that his sight had returned enough for him to perceive the brilliant violet-hued blade she held to his neck.

“I have claimed him, to whatever end, and there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it.” The Lady Ren spoke in a calm tone of voice now, which seemed a bit out of place given the altercation that had just taken place, but it is clear that her tone brooked no questions.

Illaria wanted to be the bigger person in this instance; she just wanted to be able to shut herself up and hold her tongue. Instead, she ignored the urge to still her voice of all the things she never meant to say. Even though Harnan had given her the chance to be honest and come clean with him, she chose to just twist the knife even deeper. With each word she spoke against him, she could hear each degree of desperation entering his voice as this situation only seemed to escalate.

What the Shapeshifter failed to realize was that this reaction was a defensive mechanism that was even more telling about her own feelings toward the man she currently had pinned to the wall than she realized. What they had was once perfect and beautiful. And now what had she done? Sure, her heart was made of armour now that she had purged her system of such callous thoughts. But at what cost? She was losing her best friend. Blinking her eyes, she stopped and looked at him, really looked at him. The only movement was the heaving of her chest as it moved up and down. Gritting her teeth, she blinked again as his words finally began to sink in. The amber that stained the amethyst hues of her eyes slowly began to recede as the tautness of her muscles loosened and she relaxed. Looking down at the glow of the Jedi’s lightsaber against his skin, she held it steady despite his wishes otherwise. Harnan still gripped her wrist in his own and she did not attempt to free it, but instead cautiously drew her gaze up to meet his. She gripped on so tightly to the lightsaber hilt despite the fact that her hands were sore and burned, her nails digging into the palm of her hand as if the tightness of her grip would allow her a distraction. A single tear rolled down her cheek as her eyes drew up to meet his own, but she did not care. It felt like she had spent a lifetime oblivious to what had been in front of her all along and it was torture.

This heartbreak was unexpected. She wanted to hurt him. The darkness began to converge on her very being. Just one slip of the lightsaber is all it takes, a voice whispered to her. Then you will be free. There is a pause as Illaria considers listening and the darkness begins to slowly overtake her body and mind. Kill him, the voice instructs. It is an amorphous voice, laced with malicious intent and pure, raw vengeful emotion. Nebulous in its span, the voice represents the genuine embodiment of the dark side as it seeps into every crack and crevice of her very being. It will be so simple, so quick, no one would blame you. Illaria looks directly into Harnan’s eyes, the fury swirling within her once more, as she tilts her head back, the blade coming ever closer to his exposed neck. Do it! End this now and kill him! The voice practically screams at her from all directions. She had to make a decision now. There was simply no time left.

The Shapeshifter recoils from the darkness swirling around her, threatening to engulf her and devour her whole. Her gaze clears of the amber fog that had descended upon it and the Illaria Harnan knew so well appeared to return for the time being. Depressing the switch on the lightsaber, she extinguishes the plasma blade.

“No.” The Shapeshifter says firmly. “I refuse.” Her eyes refocus on Harnan in front of her. Tears of regret burn her vision as she realizes this was what the Master wanted all along. Closing her eyes, she leans her forehead against Harnan, speaking softly. “I cannot kill you nor can I lie to you.” Shaking her head, she practically chokes on her words, but finally manages to get them out. “I have always loved you, Harnan, and I always will. You are my best friend and I cannot live without you.” Pulling back from him, she jerks her hand free of his and just stands there. The confidence returns to her posture and it is almost as if all traces of regret disappear in an instant. “One day you are going to die if we go down that road and I could never bear to have that happen. I would rather you hate me for forcing you to watch me spend my life with another.” She knew this relationship of theirs would never be easily repaired, if at all. It was better this way, that he sober up and come to the understanding that she had seen something beyond his mortal gaze, something that was beyond all of them. “I should not have said the things I did.” This was as close as it would get to Illaria outright apologizing to Harnan, and had it been anyone else, she would not have even admitted that she had been in the wrong. “But Nicademus needs me and I need him….I do not expect you to understand. However, I do expect you to respect my decision to be with him.” In this, Illaria had never been more certain in her life. For while she felt something for Harnan, it was nothing akin to what she had encountered recently. 

*John Dawson, Sheriff, head of local law enforcement and father of Maggy, a student in the Jedi Temple. A decision he constantly reflected upon, whether it was the right choice; Mom hadn't exactly ended up in a good place because of it, after all. Maggy had seemed happy, but would that last? He'd come so close to removing her from enrollment several times, conflicted between a father's duty to keeping his child safe, and a father's desire to see them happy. In the end, her happiness won out; she'd never forgive him if he took her away from the Jedi.

He just hoped she would escape her grandmother's fate.

But today's events... To be quite frank, were he off-duty, he would have marched straight into the Temple and dragged Maggy home himself. What had prompted two Jedi to essentially rampage through the city, over what witness testimony suggested was a lover's spat?! He was furious, and, once he had the resources together, he was going to demand the Jedi answer for all of this. Paying for damages, answering for the lives lost... He didn't care they were "all-powerful" beings, nor that they were "guardians," the two had racked up a rap sheet most serial killers would be jealous of! John couldn't recall a single case in his life as severe as this!

... in spite of the situation, he felt himself forced to still his movements and relax, attempt to calm down. While this was worthy of outrage, he needed to keep a level head. He was still going to demand justice, and most likely take Maggy away from these people, but he had to do so in a collected manner.

However, when he looked up, he was shocked to see two new presences in his office, one wearing strange armor, another a gold-skinned woman. The armored one commented on his state of busyness, which was met with a scowl from the sheriff.* "Damn right, and I'd like to know what makes you think two strangers barging into my office makes me any less busy!" *The man of average height leaned forward over his desk, palms planted on it, eyes looking between the pair demandingly. They were armed... Force-users, most likely. But John was so outraged he didn't give a damn if the Dark Lord of the Sith stood before them. And if these pair were from the Temple...

Then even better.*

*Sheriff Dawson studied the pair, still perturbed, and the woman's words didn't aid his mindset at all; indeed, it only fueled his frustrations. She claimed they were not Jedi, and Dawson was almost disappointed; he could have had words with them right then and there. But when he finally did confront the Jedi, he needed to be more collected and have a case prepared. Going in under-prepared would do neither side any good.

But yes, of course he was outraged. Of course he wanted justice! That was the reason he joined the force to begin with! Outwardly, he made little sign his mood had changed, still leaning over his desk with his hands planted, unmoving as his eyes studied the woman, occasionally flickering toward the armored man. Taaza and Crixus... Force-users seeking order and safety for all in the galaxy... Dawson scowled. Something about this seemed familiar, yet all the same he was intrigued, enticed even, by the notion that there existed Force-users who truly cared about the peace of all, even those they hardly knew.

Dawson should have ushered them out of his office, left this entire duty to just him and his police force. But what if the Jedi chose not to cooperate? Threw the case in his face? The idea of having some sort of backup would be nice, regardless if he hardly knew this party...* "What kind of 'services' are you offering?" *he asked skeptically, slowly easing himself down into his chair.*