Corrupt A Wish

You are now a cat, to bad you are a cat back when mammals were just begining to branch out from the little rats we were millions of years ago. You are at a time when the species began to change from herbivores to omnivores and to bad for you, you are on the menu for tonight.

I wish that I can absorb the unabsorbable.

I dont know why I used narration font...

You are now a Disney princess and fairest of them all, however you now have to high of expectations and you cant find prince charming (cause honestly fuck these new "we dont need no dependent woman shit") and die a lonely woman at the age of 90.

I wish I was cool

They do. Unfortunately, a single Power Ranger (from any series) is pretty much worthless on its own, especially when you realize that your wish does not include the awesome space robots they fight/fight with. Bereft of other options, you attempt to siphon your new...abilities?...into forming groups with other superheroes. You are laughed out of the Teen Titans, the Superfriends, and the Justice League, and on your way to make contact with the next group, you are blown up by the Joker out of offense that you're more ridiculous than he is.

I wish Britney Spears was still relevant to pop culture somehow.

And it turns out we have! Unfortunately, as they seem no farther advanced than the average cricket it's a rather boring encounter at first. The scientists who make contact bring a small colony of them home for study. They flourish in our atmosphere, and breed quickly and profusely. It is at this point that we find out that the larval version of this alien race is both highly intelligent, and voraciously cannibalistic. The human race is subjugated within days, and developed into a farmed-meat species for our evil Meat-Cricket masters.

I wish I had a lightsaber that worked exactly the way they are depicted in the Star Wars films.

You get Gary and he is obedient to you, howevever the Fez makes his not obey you and he eats you.

I wish I could go out with people and have fun while doing it.

You an amazing Olypian, one of the best in fact! And representing the USA gives the contry so much honour and respect from the rest of the Olimpic community. Your sport of choice, Triple Jump. Good choice!

Now that was a nice dream wasn't it?

Now to what is actualy happening when you are awake:

You are a one-legged, one-eyed, one-handed dwarf with some nasty bowel problems whose chosen sport is Swimming. You drown, since obviously with any prosthetic you are not going to get anywhere at all, since this is th hell which is Corupput a Wish!


Oh, Did i say you represent Wales? BAAAA!

I wish to have a J-type Nubian Hyperdrive.

You now no longer need to sleep, scientists already baffled by why we need sleep have told you to go without and given you a one of a kind drug that doesnt let you sleep. This is where the scientists learn why we need to sleep after one year you are turned into a Slug. You now need to party for 40 years straight not being allowed to do anything else ever again.

I wish that chicken shit didnt smell so bad that it made you cry. 

You have the Falcon, the real one. However Han gives it to you on the promise that you dont give her a scratch. As you fly it you give her one and because he doesnt know you as well as Billie D he blasts you without remorse.

I wish the Leafs win every game from here on out and get the Stanley Cup.