Corrupt A Wish

They're so secure, you can't get them open. Ever.

I wish for steak.

You get loads of radio signal, but no cellphone signal.

I wish Eralam was back in America.

I'm here. Fire away.

I wish for a lovely day.

We all meet. I scope the place out a few days early though. There are only so many places you can plant demo, and after finding them all, it's a simple matter to show up a few hours early to disarm the charge. It's a pleasant, if uneventful evening. You're a bit disappointed, but it was fun. You go back to your apartment, open the door, and the world explodes in a brief flash of light and pain as your explosives, now impregnated with steel ball bearings, rip you to shreds. The last thing you see is my smiling face as I stick a knife through your one remaining eye.

I wish for a pipe cleaner.

You dumbass, I'm talking about the little wire and fuzz thing. You know, a fucking pipe cleaner.

You can. It marvels at your never ending stupidity.

Lemme break this down Barney-style, since your smog addled brain can't seem to handle anything more complex. I smoke tobacco from a pipe. This is because I am awesome. Since I'm not smoking from a little piece of rolled up paper that burns away, I have to regularly maintain the pipe. It had a bit of moisture in the stem last time I smoked, hence the need for a pipe cleaner.

I wish Major would remember to wear her helmet. I have her bag packed with plenty of crayons and coloring books, but if she doesn't remember to wear her helmet, then I can't take her to the park. We all know how upset she gets when she can't go down the slide.

I was referring to the Major.

I wish you'd worry about the ones already there first.

Damage upgrade unlocked. Downside: only works when you have a buzz cut.

I wish for a drink of the nonalcoholic variety.