The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 5:39:45 GMT -8
Oddly enough, the Pope is the answer.
I wish Gukky wasn't such a shameless insert curse word here. Eralam, kill him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 5:41:44 GMT -8
Don't have to tell me twice. But since I have to corrupt this wish, I'm going to leave his body in a burning paper bag on your doorstep.
I wish to jump ahead three hours.
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The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 5:46:49 GMT -8
Got it. You are doing the same thing because your Haupmann said so, and he barked it to you in Chicago English: that abortion of our abortion of a tongue.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 5:49:48 GMT -8
Since you didn't wish for anything, I make your wish for you. [Evil laugh]
I wish for a pound of iridium.
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The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 5:58:34 GMT -8
You got it, but they forgot to package it properly. The pound is spread out thru a thousand different parcels.
I wish for a record of my failures, from birth until now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 6:00:43 GMT -8
Check yer inbox, I've got one handy.
I wish for an itemized list of things needed to eliminate Wales from existence.
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The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 6:12:50 GMT -8
Give me a Kar98, 10 Abrams tanks, 3 artillery batteries, four A-10 Warthogs, a C-130, 200 Bundeswehr Kommandos and 100 IDF Sayerets, and I'll have wales dead to the last man, woman, and child in 63 hours.
Problem: it's your wish, so you are the one blamed for it.
I wish I could speak, read, and write in every language.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 6:20:59 GMT -8
You can, but at the expense of being unable to master any one language. You can make yourself understood, but only just.
I wish for everything on that list, and someone competent to lead my small army. You don't count.
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The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 6:29:18 GMT -8
You get Major instead. She isn't me, so it counts. Problem is that she turns into a thing and you know how that is.
Too bad, I actually care about things, unlike some monsters.
I wish I didn't fucking break the E string of my violin last night. What the fuck am I going to practice with. And they suck to replace. The knots are demonic.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 6:31:01 GMT -8
You didn't break the E-string. You broke the whole damn thing.
I wish for about ten feet of copper tubing.
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Dav Man'Sell
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Post by Dav Man'Sell on Jul 13, 2013 6:40:09 GMT -8
You get it. You also get copper poisoning. Don't ask me how, I aint no doctor.
I wish for no more hayfever
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The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 6:42:47 GMT -8
What? Fine, but you missed the best part.
I wish for a candi.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 6:50:58 GMT -8
Candi is the Huttese word for [redacted]. But hey, if you really want...
I wish for another smoke. Oh, wait, found one. Bit crumpled, but oh well.
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Dav Man'Sell
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Post by Dav Man'Sell on Jul 13, 2013 7:10:54 GMT -8
That smoke you found is laced with concentrated poison from a South American poison dart frog. Smoking it kills you even quicker than a normal smoking habit would.
I wish for cake.
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The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 7:12:47 GMT -8
Banned because you're not Spike.
1256
I wish I could pluck genetic sequences like violin strings —that aren't broken.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 7:18:31 GMT -8
You can, but you break them in short order.
I wish Alfred Bester had written at least one more book. The man is a certified genius.
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Dav Man'Sell
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Post by Dav Man'Sell on Jul 13, 2013 7:37:45 GMT -8
He has. However, it's lacklustre, and has an even more lacklustre movie adaptation made starring Robert Pattinson. Fan girls flock to it, of course, but anyone with any actual love for the writer is sorely disappointed.
I wish I had a pegasus to ride.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2013 7:44:38 GMT -8
You do, but it's tiny and bright pink.
I wish I had a tape recorder. Funniest. Radio traffic. Ever.
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The Major
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Post by The Major on Jul 13, 2013 18:38:51 GMT -8
Granted without negative. Rules? Fuck your rules.
I wish for a tea cozy.
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Post by Aherk Fyyar on Jul 13, 2013 20:12:16 GMT -8
You have a tea cozy. Shame it didn't come with tea.
I wish for rain.
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