Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 23, 2015 14:22:27 GMT -8
Nel's head snapped up at his touch to her shoulder, and as she met his gaze, he could see the tears she had rimming her eyes. She quickly blinked and looked away to hide them, shame filling her again. It would take time for her to get over the hurdles put in her way by the Jedi Order, and she was coming to see that. Her master's words wrapped around her, encouraging her, and once more, setting a part of her at ease. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but nothing came out immediately. She closed her mouth and swallowed, taking a moment for the physical signs of her wanting to cry to ease before she tried again. "I know it will take time for me to... overcome all the Jedi Order instilled in me... Joruun's sacrifice will not be in vain."
It was more her trying to reassure herself in the venture more then anything. Again, she took a deep breath and let it out, one of her hands running through her damp black hair. How to draw strength from something that threatened to swallow her whole? She had no idea. She would rather embrace her anger, fiery and bright, then this dark emptiness that filled her core and threatened to topple what little control she had. "It will be a gift I will treasure."
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 21, 2015 16:33:50 GMT -8
"Yes, Master." Curiosity had her tilting her head as she watched him manipulate the sabre, and the slightest smile passed her lips at the small amount of praise he had decided to give her regarding her skills... and it near immediately faltered again at the reminder of whose lightsabre it had been before. Gently, reverently, she took it back from him and attached it to her hip again, swallowing as a profound emptiness and sorrow filled her. She was still grieving in part. The need to survive had pushed it to the fringes of her consciousness, and so she hadn't really been able to deal with it. Nightmares still plagued her because of what had happened, and she refused to dwell on it. She wanted to cry, but crying, to her, was weakness, and she had enough weakness in her that she didn't need that as well. She pushed it back as best as she could, but unlike her anger, she had no real training with sadness of this magnitude and so it took a bit more power to lock it away.
It still lingered in her eyes, though, and the quiver of her lip as she frantically shook her head. "N-no, Master."
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 21, 2015 12:12:29 GMT -8
Nel nodded once more, inhaling deeply through her nose before exhaling that way as well. She tucked her hands behind her back, holding onto them as she stood as tall as she could, which was still shorter then Stormro, but she was trying to look as impressive as she could. As his apprentice, she needed to make him look good, after all. With his words echoing in her head (in more than one way, even), her apprehension calmed down. Right. No pressure there. She let her pride simmer more and take over, and letting that out, it put a smile back on her face. He was right. No one else had that honor, even if it was more pressure on her.
There was no reason to be tense, to be worried. She just needed to keep her mouth shut and smile and let her Master do all the talking, really. That would keep her anger from exploding and her tongue from flying when it shouldn't. Unless the bastard decided to put her in the spotlight, anyways. She certainly hoped not. She paused and looked over to Stormro, and her smile softened. "By the way, Master... Thank you. For taking me as your apprentice."
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 21, 2015 11:34:15 GMT -8
She swallowed, trying to calm herself down while she walked slightly behind him. Dealing with Stormro was one thing... dealing with other Sith was another. Though her fingers wrung together in front of her, she still stood tall and with her chin up. Again, she swallowed. She was a growing tempest of nerves, but she tried to keep herself at least pseudo-calm. Showing too strong of emotions would result in trouble, and though she knew her temper was still a problem, she would try what she could to keep in in line. At the question directed at her, she shook her head. She wasn't sure of any, really. "Um... If I am ever to address him, how would I do so, Master?" Her voice was quiet, almost not there as she partly withdrew back into her own thoughts.She had asked it earlier, but given he had no idea who they would have been facing at the time, he hadn't given her a proper answer. Now, though, perhaps there would be a more informative answer? She wondered if she even remembered how to deal with people, given that for the most part, the only contact she had recently was with her Master.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 21, 2015 6:49:32 GMT -8
As her Master spoke, his words nearly mirrored her own internal thoughts and struggles and she looked over to him, blinking her surprise. She listened intently, taking in his words like they were a glass of cold water after a drought. The assurances he offered, though slight, soothed her and at least temporarily shackled the voice of doubt in her head. It validated the conclusions she had managed to come to, and though she might need to be reminded in the future of it, it was still there. He knew where she was coming from (or at least, she thought it did), and at the mention of his scars, her eyes flitted over him in curiosity before she met his eyes again. Her own sense of pride welled in her chest, and it showed in her blue eyes, and squared out her slim shoulders, straightened her spine. It was still a small emotion in her, but it was there. A slight smile quirked her lips upwards and she nodded. Her frustrations at her own weaknesses, her own failings, were momentarily assuaged, giving her at least a modicum of confidence in herself again. "I understand, Master."
There was more she wanted to say, to ask, but she held her tongue. She had no idea where to begin with her questions, and she wanted to have the questions properly thought out, her statements worded just right before she voiced them. He deserved that much out of her at least. The rest of it she would work on. Even still, her smile widened some. He was proud of her. That, more then anything else, settled her mind and worries... for now.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 20, 2015 18:55:25 GMT -8
Her master was keen on keeping her mentally talking. How lovely. She joined him at his side, closing her eyes to enjoy the calm that was here. Relative quiet allowed her to think, to plot things out, and she needed that right now. Why was she so ashamed of failure? The fact he hadn't rejected her as a student, his acceptance of her feeling like a failure... That nicked at her failure, making her start to wonder why she was ashamed in the first time.
"It... is something I have always struggled with. Failure means I do not... understand something. Have not succeeded at it. Having that on display means others can know I have failed at something... I do not like it." As always, her emotions seemed linked to frustration in one form or another. She had always gotten back up after she had failed. Not succeeding at something on the first try... She sighed as she mulled it over, wondering how her teacher would respond to this revelation. Even as she waited, she remembered a time, while saber training, where she had gotten up even when she wasn't supposed to be able to. A rather (unintentionally hard) thwack had seen her on the ground, and she had gotten up, albeit slowly. A piece of strength had been found deep inside that she didn't realize at the time she had access to.
She paused as that occurred to her. She did have strength in her... and her bruises just meant she hadn't given up yet. An inner voice swatted at the idea, wanting to cast it aside, and again, frustration reared up. She took a deep breath, trying to steady the emotion. It would be a while before she ever truly mastered her emotions, but... perhaps she was making progress...?
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 20, 2015 16:42:00 GMT -8
She started at the voice in her head, but it was only for a few seconds before her mind started working, trying to analyze her need to hide her bruises. She had no inkling that she hadn't had a modicum of privacy while they were in the Shadowlands. It felt strange talking with this method then in person, and a part of her wasn't sure she could properly articulate how she felt using that method. She was silent for a long moment as she dressed, contemplating how to answer. "I... am ashamed of my failures." It was hard figure out the right words to describe it. Mental scars and bruising she could hide from everyone. These bruises? Not so much, and it irritated her and just brought her weaknesses closer to view. Even now, with so much of her body covered, she was reminded of the failures she had dealt with through the pressure of the bodysuit on the bruises.
She left the showering room and went to look for him, as she was sure that was what he wanted. She really didn't want to talk about it, but she couldn't deny him the answers he wanted. She stopped in the door, her fingers coiling around the edge of the door with her knuckles white. "... Having others see my failures is even worse."
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 20, 2015 8:18:18 GMT -8
"Thank you, Master. And I will thank Belbe when I next see her for her generosity." Nel waited a few moments, waiting for him to leave. However, when he didn't, her blush returned and she gritted her teeth together. "Master, could you please step out so I can get dressed?" The calm in her voice was strained. She did not want to get dressed in front of him. A part of her was being modest, but there was also shame in her appearance. All of the bruises meant failure on one level or another, whether in Stormro's eyes or her own. At least, that was her perception of them. "Unless you still need to speak with me?"
She still refused to face him, but she did reach out to grab the body suit with one hand, the other holding her towel close to her form. For all appearances, it seemed she was being modest of her form, and some of the humiliation she felt probably could be sensed... and yes, there was modesty in mind, but again, the bruises. She didn't want to show them off, and she wasn't confident enough in herself to want to show it off regardless.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 19, 2015 17:44:57 GMT -8
Her fingers curled around the towel she had extracted, her knuckles going white as she attempted not to let loose on him for coming in on her while she was nude. She wrapped the material around herself more tightly before she turned back to her Master. Forcing a nod in acknowledgement, she quickly turned away again. Humiliation spiked but quickly lowered to a more manageable level, though the physical manifestation of it still showed against her pale skin. Even tinged with a tan, her skin was pale, and the red of a blush even went to her ears. She glanced back to him, however, trying to hide most of the red. "Yes, Master. I will be as quick as I can. Um... Master? How exactly would I need to address this colleague? I never really spoke much to the others, so I'm clueless to the protocol."
She immediately looked away again, wondering if she was being too bold in her question. Bruises covered her skin, mostly below her ribs or matching pairs on the front and back of her shoulders from his frequent ambushes. Part of her wanted him to leave, so she could dress in peace.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 19, 2015 11:27:38 GMT -8
She barely had a chance to squawk in surprise as her mind registered him right in front of her, just before his visage faded on the ramp. Her fingers wrapped around his wrist, trying to ease the pressure on her throat. She tried to swallow, tried to gain some sense of air to her lungs. Fear was strong in her, fueled by his words. She was terrified of this man, this man who could easily snap her neck with a glance if he wanted to. Teach her to open her mouth when her anger roared in her ear. Dammit. She had no choice but to listen to his words. She had heard them before, and it made sense, and yet... she found herself relying on her old ways again. Why? Her mind reeled, trying to think, but before she could come up with anything solid, her back was slammed into a tree.
Nel hissed in pain, gritting her teeth together to keep from yelling. Anger and frustration pounded at her, but it was directed inwards. Fear, yes. There was fear. And sadness. She wished she could do as he asked... and another part of her wished she had died back at the academy. What good would that do her, though? Dying solved nothing, nor did wallowing in self-pity. She pushed the emotions back; she could feel them still, in the back of her head, but couldn't dwell on them. Not yet. Later, when she was allowed to sleep. But not now. Slowly, she pushed herself back up on her feet. "Understood, Master." She whispered, even though she knew he wouldn't hear her. Her back cracked all along its length as she straightened and the Zabrak grunted. She took a moment to set everything in line in her mind before she finished breaking camp and set everything in a proper place. It was meticulously done. When she finished, she took a deep breath to steady her frazzled nerves, and went to join her Master.
This was going to be a long, long trip.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 19, 2015 9:18:29 GMT -8
As her breathing was restricted, she inhaled deeply, fear spiking in her... as well as something else she really didn't want to consider. Her hands shook some as he let her go, and she ducked her head and quickly went to work. "Understood, Master." Mentally, she withdrew, stuffing everything into a box to be rid of everything. To be calm as she had long had since had drilled into her. Anger did her no good at the moment, and even with it, she felt herself becoming... more blind, more deaf then she had been before. She didn't like it, but if it kept her from being met with violence, then so be it.
She paused and looked up as the ramp came down, and try as she might, her anger reared up and roared. Her tongue let loose before she could stop it. "You mean to tell me the ship's been here this whole time, Master?!" Her fists clenched at her sides, squeezing and loosening, hurting her palms as her nails met skin again and again. "Really?!"
She paused as she realized her problem and she immediately focused on getting her anger back in its box... but the damage was probably done already. She went back to breaking camp, her knuckles white from how tightly she clutched items. No. She shouldn't have lashed out, especially after her Master had uttered the comment of a final warning. Her shoulders tightened, her body tensed over all in preparation for what she knew to be coming.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 18, 2015 19:02:13 GMT -8
Again, the Zabrak inhaled deeply and exhaled, closing her eyes for a second to try and tap down on the flaring, swirling emotions. It didn't do her any good to have her emotions leading her to trouble... again. Her blue eyes opened again, her eyebrows furrowing in his direction, a silent growl, a snarl really, being shot at her teacher's back. That made her feel better, and as was her usual way when she was upset and trying to defend her emotional self, she folded her arms across her chest, making herself seem smaller... or trying to, at least. With the glare and snarl out of her system, her emotions cooled some, more a simmer then an outright boil ready to blow the top off the pot. She said nothing though. She hardly ever did anymore. She merely nodded.
She barely spoke as there was nothing to say to her Master. She spoke only when a question was directed her way, or on the rare occasion her Master started a discussion with her. What was the point otherwise? It just led to her getting more scolded, which made her temper flare, which in turn led to more scoldings... and well, this long out in the jungle, and she was just too tired to deal with it right now. She ached from his pounce, and she ached from previous stalkings and training he subjugated her to. Still, she did her best to not just persevere, but to flourish... the latter wasn't doing so well lately, it seemed. She had been losing weight, though her trapping and survival skills had definitely seen improvement since they had arrived.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 18, 2015 16:56:03 GMT -8
Nel was left with a broken walking stick, her heart still slamming in her chest at the surge of adrenaline. As he backed off and changed back, her arms simply landed on her chest and she let out the breath she hadn't quite been aware she had been holding. Her mind reeled and emotion surged in her; frustration was chief among them, as she was frustrated with him... and herself. Mostly herself. She knew better. She knew better! Dammit all. She wanted to snap back at him; She wanted to snap that she had been using more then her physical senses. But... had she been? The doubt wiggled at her, keeping her mouth clenched shut. As she heard him disappear into the brush, she finally began to push herself upright and finally, to her feet. Already, her shoulders ached and the image of her using the Force to slam him into a tree was really all that kept her going sometimes. Before she began following him, she took a deep breath to calm her nerves, before letting it out slowly. Even still, frustration wrapped itself around her and she threw her now useless stick aside.
She didn't bother gathering up the other branches again. If they were moving camp, what was the point? Her steps were quick enough to catch up with her bastard of a master, but she slowed enough so that she was out of range of his arms. Anger at his treatment of her reared up, but she had learned by now how to mask it, how to at least hide it from her face. Temper led to punishment, and she grew tired of punishment.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 18, 2015 14:34:39 GMT -8
Predictably for Nel, she had spun at the clip of the branch, and as soon as she realized her mistake, it was basically too late. She heard the crackle and rustle of foliage behind her and turned again. Her foot kept anchored to the ground and she dropped her handful of branches. With her own quick reflexes, she brought up the long branch she had been using as a walking stick, both hands holding it firmly about face level. It was too late to swing out by the time she saw the Nexu, though she did have time to utter a hearty oath before she was slammed into, the paws catching just below her shoulders thanks to her upraised arms. It still knocked her over, however, and she exhaled. Although, the positioning of the stick either would have had it ramming into the beast's throat or into its open mouth, keeping it from getting too close to her face.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
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Post by Nel Bukk on May 18, 2015 11:52:27 GMT -8
Months. She had been here for months now. She wasn't quite sure how long at this point. Perhaps it had been a year. Nel didn't know. She didn't care, not right now. Her eyes cast around, ears straining to pick up on anything around her that was out of place. The Zabrak knew her master was around here somewhere, but where? She snorted. She had lost track of him, and that... wasn't good.
Her robes had long since fallen victim to his tactics, though a bit of cleverness had salvaged at least some of it. Fabric from her old robes had been converted into a makeshift war skirt, which barely brushed her knees. The rest of the fabric had been turned into a rudimentary halter. It definitely left her exposed, but at the same time, it cut down on the heat she found herself dealing with deep in the jungles. Nel sighed as she gathered up a few more branches for the fire back at camp, though her fingers stayed close to the thick branch she had commendeered for protection. Not only was her master out here, but so were other predators... or otherwise cranky creatures. The woman winced as a bruise was pressed to, but given she was alone, she didn't care.
But now, it was time to head back... before something out here decided to get her.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on Nov 29, 2013 11:49:21 GMT -8
Her saber lit up in her hand, a warm orange of color as she followed Joruun's instructions. Though she appreciated his protection, it still grated her that he thought her in need of it. When it came to the Force, yes, she was weak, but she liked to at least consider herself competent when it came to lightsaber fighting. Then again, this was real and not a training duel. Her fingers shifted on the hilt as she walked in step with her Miralukan friend, listening to the Sith lord's reveal with a mental shake of her head. Of course, insulting someone was not a wise move, but she kept her mouth shut, focused more on survival then witty banter.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
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Post by Nel Bukk on Nov 28, 2013 20:10:53 GMT -8
"Nel Bukk... From Ossus." The last word caught on her tongue and her eyes misted. She lowered her head and took a deep breath to steady herself, trying to push back the hurt that came with the reminder of what transpired there. She then lifted her head some, taking the harsh words the other threw at her and let them roll off her back. Someone was in a bad mood, it would seem, and so she kept her mouth shut, or else she feared she'd simply make it worse on herself. The dim lighting inside momentarily cost her, and she blinked, letting her eyes adjust as she continued to walk. Her hands were clamped behind her back, her knuckles white and her palms aching as her nails dug into the tender flesh in an attempt to hold her tongue. The words themselves hurt, but for a different reason then the other woman might think. She had heard those words before, when she was younger... She shoved those voices back to where they belonged in the past and kept her head slightly bowed as she kept step with the woman.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on Nov 27, 2013 11:32:34 GMT -8
The Zabrak froze a moment when the woman first addressed her, her spine stiffening in worry and a slight amount of fear. After Ossus, she had a hard time letting her guard down around anyone. She forced herself to swallow, however, and forced herself to move forward after the curt sounding woman. What was happening inside she had no idea on. She only knew that she was told to follow, and she automatically did as she was told, as always. She kept her words to herself, though, not wanting any anger or really much of anything directed her way.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on Nov 24, 2013 22:01:53 GMT -8
Nel nodded to the droid, before her gaze fell on the figure who was in such a rush. Whether they were late for something, or merely on their way out, it was hard to tell. Instinctively, she stepped to the side and out of the way of the approaching person, just as a precaution in case the person needed by. Carefully, she hooked the hilt of the saber she held to her belt, alongside another that was there, before she fixed her eyes again on the cloaked figure that approached them.
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Nel Bukk
Kumauri Industries
Posts: 77
Traffic Light: Green
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Post by Nel Bukk on Nov 20, 2013 16:28:07 GMT -8
Was her fear and stress so obvious that even a droid could pick it up? Nel mentally scowled at herself, only partially scolding herself for letting her feelings rule over her so thoroughly like they were. She shook her head and winced. Her hands hurt from holding onto the hilt so tightly. Slowly, she loosened her hands, her steps quickly catching up her to the droid after it had started again. Despite how much she had hated being called on her emotions, though, the reassurance was honestly something nice to encounter. The Zabrak took a deep breath to steady herself and let it out slowly, closing her eyes momentarily as she tried to center herself again. If she was going to be of any use, she needed to be functional to some degree or another.
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